Telstar: Satellite of Love — Terrace Edition

Words: Han Balk

Images: Han Balk

I’ve been told that you’ve been bold

With Harry, Mark and John

Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday through Thursday

With Harry, Mark and John

Satellite’s gone up to the skies

Things like that drive me out of my mind

I watched it for a little while

I love to watch things on TV

Satellite of Love: Lou Reed.

It’s probably only Dutch club SC Telstar that gets sung about in Eredivisie stadiums where they don’t even play or have never played before.

The lyrics change each year, but towards the end of the season, clubs that are facing relegation get banter in the form of chants saying they will soon be visiting Telstar. For instance, “Telstar, Telstar, Vitesse is coming!” is quite popular this season given the lowly position of the team from Arnhem.

So, we’re talking about Sportclub Telstar, the club that is a metaphor for perpetually playing in the Dutch second tier, known as the Eerste Divisie.

The club was founded at the North Holland town of Velsen-Zuid in 1963 after a merger of VSV from Velsen and Stormvogels from IJmuiden. The name Telstar comes from the commercial satellite launched a year earlier.

The satellite is found in their club emblem, although some also see it as a sea mine.

©Han Balk/ Terrace Edition. SC Telstar vs FC Emmen.

Groundbreaking for its time was the ability to transmit 60 telephone calls simultaneously or just one black and white television channel via Telstar 1.

In their first professional year, Telstar immediately gained promotion to the highest Dutch division, and stayed in the Eredivisie for 14 years. But, in the 1977/1978 season, the club finished 18th and last.

FC Amsterdam was relegated along with Telstar. For the Amsterdam club, their adventure in the second level was short-lived, as four years later the curtain fell for FC Amsterdam.

Telstar, on the other hand, still plays in the Eerstedivisie. The club has participated in the playoffs a few times, but a return to the highest level hasn’t really happened in the past 46 years.

In the early 80s, Telstar finished fourth in the final standings. This highest ranking has been approached only once in the past 20 years.

Despite Telstar being reliably placed in the second tier, Telstar is not a place for soft touches, being based around the tough steel and fishing industries. Maybe this is why they looked to the heavens for their satellite moniker after a tough shift in the steelworks or at sea?

Telstar’s Sportpark Schoonenberg, branded as 711 Stadion for sponsorship reasons is known for its quirky basket scoreboard. Indeed, woven baskets are raised under V(oor) (for) or T(egen) (against) whenever a goal is scored.

The baskets for goals scored are never raised quite enough to propel the team to promotion but the club can count on quite a lot of sympathy within the Dutch football world, partly due to the huge social involvement of this small community club.

About 2000 spectators found their way to Sportpark Schoonenberg despite the strong wind and rain for the visit of 12th placed FC Emmen..

Just before eight o’clock, the White Lions (16th) entered the pitch to the 60’s track “Telstar” by English rock and roll combo the Tornados.

The players taking to the field to the sound of the clavioline electric synthesiser sound, really helps place the club to its 60s origins when space was the final frontier and all the universe was there to explore.

Unfortunately for Telstar they were mainly exploring a 2-3 defeat after a red card for the home side saw Emmen come from 2-0 down to take the match.

The club from Velsen-Zuid remains 16th in a league from which you cannot be relegated.

Next season another club will be taunted with chants that they are going to Telstar, while the locals scan the skies for a shooting star or the metallic glint of an orbital vessel.

Han is on X and Instagram: @hanbalk

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